Shit My Bosses Say, #2

1. "Throw rocks in the pond and make ripples. Are you stupid? Not like that!"

2. "The director wants those cows in the shot. We only have a permit to shoot over here. Inconspicuously stampede the herd toward camera left."

3. "My car needs...
   ...to be washed."
   ...an oil change."
   ...more bio-diesel."

4. "That actor over there? Everyone hates him. You get to run lines with him."

5. "Oh my God. I want you to feel how heavy this is. Feel that...They need it on the roof."

6. "Make snow angels for the next shot."
   The snow was made of soap flakes.

7. "Get low-carb donuts that taste like Krispy Kreme."

8. "We don't have the layout board guys today."
   Translation: "Welcome to Hell!" 
 
9. Several times/day:
   "Damn it, [my name], what did you do?"

10. Yelling:
    "Nobody yells at you!"

11. "You are the worst PA ever! Can you work the first three weeks next month and hold the fourth for us?"

12. A certain person's Starbucks order: 
    "Vanilla latte, non-fat milk, 360 degrees, 2 Splendas, 3 shakes of cinnamon, upside down with room."    

13. Anonymous professional athlete at 7am: 
    "Can you get me a case of bottled Heineken in a styrofoam cooler with ice and a bottle opener?"

14. Giggling:
    "The mens' toilet is clogged. Can you take care of it?"

15. "Drive around downtown and look for the missing scissor lift."
    It wasn't really missing.

Gotta love hazing!

And now, a formal complaint to the Los Angeles Police Department for today's parking ticket:


Listen LAPD, stop tricking us out of our hard earned dollars with your confusing and sparse parking signs. Do not give me a ticket if there's nothing on the curb and your half-hidden sign at the opposite end of the street fails to mention that it covers 6 blocks. I'm the one who gets sent on runs to places without parking lots and has to carry 50 lbs of takeout and production supplies back to my car. Lay off!

Mahalo.