Sunday, September 12, 2010

How to Have a Productive Hangover

I'm 25 and a 1/2. I still party like an undergrad the rest of the weekend, but Sundays are dedicated to learning how to be an adult. Two years ago, I graduated college, packed up my car, grabbed my dog and drove 3,000 miles to make a big-kid home for myself out here.

I may dedicate a whole post to that road trip and the reasons behind it, but today, kids, we'll focus on the topic I've chosen.

17% Productivity Boost: What Could Be Greater Than Hikes With A Hangover?

My canine child is an avid wilderness explorer.

41% Productivity Boost: Household Chores

1) Re-Fill Bird Feeders and Fountains

A friend bought me this after they noted an abundance of the cute suckers zipping around my backyard. She filled it up with red stuff, they drank it all and then I ignored it. Three months later I saw one land and fly away sadly, and I felt like an asshole. I use a 1/4 c. sugar, 1 c. water solution (no red dye needed) and they empty the thing in two weeks.

2) Spray Plants

To the insects destroying my lime tree: Not cool, fuckers. Those are for evening cocktails. Eat this!

3) Fix Kitchen Sink

I grew up in an old house with a septic system, so the rules of the garbage disposal weren't ingrained in me at a young age. Now that I have one, every meal clean-up is an adventure!

Meet Handy-Dandy Sink Auger:

Note to readers: whole celery in the garbage disposal = big no-no...

4) Buy More Ridiculously Expensive Food for the Ridiculously Spoiled Animals

9% Productivity Boost: Watch TV

This is counter-productive for most people, but I work in entertainment. If I don't keep up on movies and non-reality television, I'm subjected to the derision of my coworkers. This weekend I found time for Eureka, Leverage, The Glades, Haven, Rizzoli & Isles and even some old school X-Files. I'll round it off with tonight's True Blood.

79% Productivity Boost: Ladies' Brunch

Football isn't just for guys, but on some Sundays, let the menfolk watch their games in a sports bar with skanky-dressed waitresses and discuss breasts, Sienna Miller, etc. without fear of disgusting us, because, honestly, lots of things boys find humorous, girls just find gross. Soooo, when I don't have to fix my kitchen sink, I have my girl friends over for catch-up gossip, waffles, pancakes, fondue and mimosas. What? I'm a foodie. My friends and I have a fun tradition. We play a variation of croquet which requires an alcoholic beverage be held in one hand at all times. It's quite tricky! I realize that in execution our brunches may not be so adult, but we don't live in Stepford. We also grill, and the football and baseball games are usually on in the background. If the guys ask, we say we watched Lifetime and Sex and the City and conversed on menstruation all day. Otherwise they may realize how much fun they're missing!